The Dance (revised)
This is the first part of a revision project for Read Write Poem prompt #32. The second part is called “Suburb.” Both incorporate some American Sentences.
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I’m promiscuous with moods, an open skull, possessed.
Pummeled by elation, caressed by devastation,
they take me as they will.
.
Half the time curses dangle in every room. Pull the
eyelids of peace. Give it a last kiss. Intubate
patience. Move to private practice.
.
Then nerves tremble and glow until they resemble
gridlock at night. So much joy it
deranges. Ankles ringed with ears, a mouthful
of eyes; I hear dirt, I eat light.
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The E.R. again. It’s all my head’s fault - that egg yolk in
its crust. The outside world spins back
and forth in dust. Speed solidifies the dance. Over and
over the brain dies by murder and by chance.
.
Awake in the hospital, that familiar trance. Squint in the
commons light. Quick friends offer tips and hints. The
window is smudged with a thousand fingerprints.
.
Drug-enhanced stability will mean release. Peace
will reanimate its corpse. Of course the
storms that start out tender mound on the
horizon. Receiver and sender will continue
their antic dance.
June 23, 2008 at 1:54 pm
One light hit me and I so wished it was mine, a tiny line but brilliant ‘I eat light’. Also really liked the fingerprinted window, could see hundreds of hands trying to get out. Good work, Nathan.
June 23, 2008 at 9:39 pm
you have many images of great imagination and unexpected combinations, like the image jo mentions, and also”nerves like gridlock at mignight”, comparing moods to an open skull, and more.
It’s like a dance macabre, with the contrast between the living and the dead, skulls, nerve endings, etc… I’m not sure I could exactly praphrase or synthesize the meaning of this poem, but I sort of intuit it and am intrigued.
June 24, 2008 at 2:24 am
I also admire your word choices and combinations. Like Jo, “I eat light” popped out at me. Well done!
June 24, 2008 at 5:18 am
I’ve seen this dance many times, the ups and downs and jumbled thoughts with no cohesiveness and the little deaths that come with the medication.
Well written!
June 24, 2008 at 8:56 am
I love the opening ‘I’m promiscuous with moods, an open skull, possessed’ - ‘promiscuous’ is an interesting word choice which immediately grabs my attention and leads me into those subtle rhymes and wonderful rhythms. As Christine says its like a dance macabre and the meaning is in the mood.
June 24, 2008 at 11:52 am
a garbled and chaotic dance,, this thing we call life……
June 24, 2008 at 5:28 pm
This was most engaging. The opening three lines touched me, as I have suffered for many years with manic depressive disorder — now medicinally managed.
The surreal nature of this piece truly helped drive home its essence. Well written.
June 26, 2008 at 4:11 am
that opening really grabbed my attention-then the combination of surprising images and sounds kept me engaged the whole way! wow–i’m so glad i got a chance to stop by!
June 27, 2008 at 4:24 pm
To repeat what watermaid said - the beginning is excellent - really grabs the reader.